When I read an article in The Guardian Weekly recently, written by a woman who was subjected to unwelcome scrutiny about why she had chosen not to breastfeed her baby, the following passage, written by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, came to mind:
All of us are only human, and we have wrong perceptions everyday. Our spouse or partner is also subject to wrong perceptions, so we must help each other to see more clearly and more deeply. We should not trust our perceptions too much – that is something the Buddha taught. “Are you sure of your perceptions?” he asked us. I urge you to write this phrase down on a card and put it up on the wall of your room: “Are you sure of your perceptions?”
There is a river of perceptions in you. You should sit down on the bank of this river and contemplate your perceptions. Most of our perceptions, the Buddha said, are false. Are you sure of your perceptions? This question is addressed to you. It is a bell of mindfulness. (extracted from “Your True Home – The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh”)
The author of the article had survived breast cancer, and after a double mastectomy, was simply not able to breastfeed. She felt torn between subjecting herself to the judgements of others and sharing very personal information with people she wouldn’t otherwise have chosen to. The article is a beautiful account of her long and difficult path to motherhood and a painful reminder of the assumptions and judgements that we all, too often and too easily, make.
During a meditation retreat I attended recently we were broken into small groups and given the opportunity to tell our personal stories in a safe and non-threatening environment. We each had one hour to speak openly and honestly while the rest of the group listened in silence. This experience was yet another humbling reminder that the assumptions we make about people, so often, couldn’t be further from the truth.
Rarely do we really know what is going on behind the scenes for other people. Even if we think we do, chances are we don’t. As Thich Nhat Hanh suggests, we would do well to ask ourselves the question ‘are you sure of your perceptions?’ more consciously, more often. What a better place the world would be if we were all a little kinder and a little less judgemental.
